This past few months have been crazy here in the Herrell House. Baseball, church, doctor visits, co op and family obligations seem to be taking over our life. The days of perfectly scheduled school seem to have left us and chaos has ensued. Everything is still getting done, just some days it’s done in the evening after dad gets home. Sometimes we do two days worth of work in one day to accommodate our changing schedule.
A couple of months ago I went to my doctor for a routine check up and some of my blood work came back abnormal. It’s nothing terribly serious, but it has resulted in several more doctor visits, blood draws and some nuclear imaging. That last test meant I had to be away from the kids for 24 hours. That’s especially difficult for a homeschool family. Luckily, my hubby works for an agency that is very flexible and understanding with our situation and he’s often able to take a day off on short notice without any problem. So that’s what he did. I spent the night with my parents for 2 nights, leaving him to be Mr. Mom. The kids had a blast… hot dogs, ice cream, baseball games. I gave him school work to do with them but I went easy on him… all he had to do was supervise review papers and make sure everyone stayed alive. He succeeded, although our 3rd grader tricked daddy into reading him his assigned reading rather than him reading it for himself, but that’s another story for another day.
I thrive on organization. I love my color coordinated schedule. I need my to-do list. My plan is my sanity. Having to throw it out the window these last few weeks hasn’t been easy. I’ve felt as though I’m doing my kids a disservice by not having our perfectly organized school days. I started second guessing myself, things like “If they were in school they wouldn’t be playing video games at 10 am while I was at the doctor.” It was honestly depressing and I felt as though I was getting behind. Yes, we were getting the work done but things were crazy. Laundry was piling up, the dishes needed to be washed, the floors were sticky. I felt like I was drowning.
Then God showed me the reason for the chaos. He’s growing me. He needs me to understand that life won’t be perfectly organized. It’s messy. My kids need to understand that messy is real. I have very little flexibility in my personality. I like things my way, always. God is shaking that up in me.
My kids are learning to adapt to stressful situations. They see John and I pulling together to get things done in the house. They’re (sometimes) helping out themselves although it may take a little reminding.
I’m learning to adapt as well. I feel like I spend a good portion of my time grasping at threads and trying to hold this thing together. I have a fear that if I let go something will come crashing down. It’s the control freak in me, I get it honest… right Daddy? God’s taking my threads. He’s trying to get me to let them go, to give my hands a rest. Why is that so hard to do? I’m learning, and He’ll keep plucking them out of my hands, one by one, until I just hand the bunch over.
My point us that life can’t be scripted. Things happen that shake up our schedules. We have to roll with the punches. We have to adapt. So do our kids. Being able to show them how to be graceful in stressful situations is a life skill that they don’t always get at this age. Teaching them how to adapt is a priceless lesson. Although, swimming with grandma on a Wednesday afternoon while mom is at the doctor lessens the blow. They’re doing just fine with that.
Why do we second guess our choices the moment things get hairy? God called me to this path, without a doubt. So now Satan is throwing some punches, he starts whispering that I’m doing this wrong… and I start to wonder if he’s right? I’m sure it’s not just me. The Bible says that he prowls around like a roaring lion, looking to destroy us. He’s looking for our weakness, my insecurity and need for perfection is mine and he exploits it every chance he gets. But my God is bigger. I have peace in knowing that I am on the right path. No matter how crazy things in this house get my kids are where they belong. With me. Will I ever send them back to school? Maybe, but it won’t be done just because things get a little difficult.
I’ll leave you now to enjoy hot coffee before my brood gets up and we start our day. Thank you for listening to me work out my personal crazy right here for everyone to see 🙂